Trimming the wick or putting out the light?

At ten years old, I began to learn about the history of my people. It was the centenary year of the Crofting Act, and a collaboration between the newly-minted Lanntair, and the same-age-as-myself Comhairle brought about something that neither one could have done on its own: it gave young islanders the dignity of acquaintance with the value of their own culture. Thanks to the vision of these two important organisations, we were being equipped with a vital piece of understanding: though we had always been fighting to make our voices heard, that did not diminish the value of what we had to say.

Forty years on, and the news is dispiriting. A council budget, squeezed beyond endurance, is having to be pared back at the point of delivery. It is difficult, when fundamental care packages are threatened, when bus services are removed, to make an argument for the Comhairle spending money on something that is all too often written off as ‘frivolous’.

You have to be wary, however, of arguments along those lines. I don’t think we should have to choose between decent care packages for the elderly, and arts and culture for all. Somebody who works in an arts centre, or a library, or in drama, does work that is life-enhancing. No, it is not essential for keeping body and soul together – but it does enrich those souls, and surely that is something worth fighting for. Ultimately, if the Comhairle cuts the Lanntair’s funding, will there be more home care hours available? Will there be more frequent bin collections, a better bus service, fewer potholes and –  luxury of luxuries – pavements that aren’t just painted on?

No: the answer is ‘no’. This is not a moral decision between buying food for the kids and going to the bookies with your last tenner – this is further evidence that these islands do not have a voice. Our council doesn’t get enough income. And why doesn’t it? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret that I first learnt at the age of ten . . . no one on the outside cares about us.

They think we’re inferior, and they regard us as a nuisance. Ever since Willie Ross described the Highlander as being on every Scot’s conscience, there’s been a vague sense of annoyance that what had been going on for centuries – the denigration of the Gael – wasn’t quite as socially acceptable as it had been in dear old Butcher Cumberland’s day. No, that pesky HIDB, just by existing, gave people the notion that maybe the Highlanders, and their even more remote counterparts, out in the islands, actually required some attention. Lip service, though, nothing more.

‘Chucking buns across the fence’, is how one writer described public policy in the Gàidhealtachd since the establishment of the HIDB, which I tend to agree with. Only, for quite a while now, the buns have been getting smaller, staler and partially-eaten before they ever land on this side of the rylock.

We are still, depressingly, at the whim of the outsider. Every aspect of our lives – our economy, our transportation, our arts, our language and culture, our land use, our health care – is governed by a quango, usually underpinned by some appallingly outdated slate of legislation, thrown together in a foreign parliament. If we ask for island representation on these boards, we are accused of racism, of not wanting people who know what is best for us, even if they do live hundreds of miles away and can’t pronounce Bunabhainneadar.

As a consequence, we have developed the mentality of the colonised. We sit by the fence, waiting for the substandard buns. When fewer of those arrive, and we protest feebly, we are told that the bakery can’t subsidise our indolence forever, that the cupboard is bare, and we will have to reorganise our priorities.

Culture is always the first thing to be attacked. How far back into our history do you want to reach? The end of the Lordship of the Isles in 1493 – the last time we had local government in the islands until the London Parliament graciously gave us back a tame version of it in 1975? Or the Statutes of Iona in 1609, when clan chiefs were forced, by the monarch, to agree to educate their sons in English? Or the Battle of Culloden in 1746? Or the Clearances? Or the Highland Famine? Or the Metagama?

They were all disastrous in their own way. The only outside attack we came through thriving was the Viking invasion – because at least they had the honesty to wield axes and scream bloody murder. Every other attack on our way of life has come in the same insidious guise: helping and civilising, while quietly dismantling and destabilising. 

Our culture – who we are and how we live – is our foundation, and no one knows it, or values it, but ourselves. The Scottish Parliament doesn’t care whether the Comhairle has enough money to keep its doors open, far less the doors of an arts centre. But we have to care.

I have stood on the stage in An Lanntair’s auditorium a few times. Once, it was at UHI’s research conference; another time, it was to mark the anniversary of the Protestant Reformation, and several time, it has been to talk about different aspects of our Gaelic heritage. Through good times and bad, it has been a platform for all kinds of expressions of island life, whether through music, drama, or film.

I owe the beginning of my own cultural education to a partnership between An Lanntair and the Comhairle, and I want to have faith that outside neglect will not be the means of pulling down that edifice. But if it isn’t going to, some real leadership has to come from within. 

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Seven times seventy?

It has been quite a while since I last posted a blog, but one of my aspirations for 2026 is to pick up the pen a little more often. For those of you who have stuck with me, thank you; for those who were hoping I’d finally shut up, sorry . . .

I have often written that I believe our providences are not just for us. Yes, we are the ones who will enjoy, endure, or survive them – but if we are willing to talk about how God has helped us through, then I believe our experiences can help others without them having to necessarily go through the same waters.

It’s tempting when you blog about faith to present a uniformly positive picture. Indeed, I remember being criticised (by an atheist, so it didn’t hurt because I don’t really believe in them) for having such a slant to my writing. Presumably he wanted angst and pain, and fruitless weeping; that would be edgier. But I was trying to encourage people, and I was pretty astounded – still am, frankly – that in the very worst losses and pains of my life, God was more than sufficient. Others have a right to know that too.

Now, though, I have hit a persistent bump in my spiritual road. I have thought about it, prayed about it and still, I have no clarity. So, I’m going back to basics and I’m going to try working it through with pen and paper – and I’m taking you along with me.

So, here is the problem. I have a lot of experience of facing the enemy, of being embittered and almost defeated by him – but, leaning on God’s strength and wisdom, prevailing. Even a young Christian will tell you about the whole armour of God, and I can testify to its efficacy. But what has flummoxed me is this: how do I deal with a professing Christian who hates me?

It’s weird, but as I started to write the previous paragraph, a text dropped into my mind – one I’d completely forgotten about while worrying over this issue. Matthew 18:21-22 speaks about forgiving a brother who has offended us ‘seventy times seven’, and this, I freely admit, I have failed to do. This ‘brother’ is wilfully and deliberately nasty and disrespectful, and all too often, I bite back, or allow my anger towards him to take hold of me.

I am in the wrong as much as him. No, he shouldn’t allow this poisonous tendency to have free rein, but that’s very much his problem. That he creates dissent and discord wherever he goes is a poor testimony for a Christian, but that is not mine to control. Believe me, I have toyed with the idea of tackling the issue head-on and asking him what he has against me in particular. This, though, would be a fruitless exercise because the truth is, I believe, that he doesn’t know the answer. Or, at least, he would never admit to himself what the reasons are.

Ultimately, we have to accept that we cannot control how others behave – but we are responsible for our own reactions to them. Ball is in my court on this one.

So, some audience participation is required here: what would you do? How would you deal with the circumstance? His hatred isn’t rational; I would tell you if I’d done anything to him. That being the case, then, how do I set about forgiving him so that his toxicity doesn’t cause me to poison my own soul?

I know part of the answer. Every day this happens, I must take it to God. And, of course, I must be mindful of how much I have, and am, being forgiven. There is a whopping great plank in my own eye, I know.

In practice, though, when this man speaks to me through gritted teeth, or uses deliberately derogatory language about me in the presence of others, I struggle to ‘go high when he goes low’. I am human and, sometimes vulnerable. His behaviour angers me, yes, but sometimes it is hurtful too. So much so that I have been seriously considering removing myself from any circumstance where our paths would have to cross. To do that, I would have to let others down. However, if I never saw him again, this problem would go away and I would be protecting myself.

This feels like a huge test. I’ve had vile anonymous messages in the past, I’ve been vilified on social media and even had my grief mocked by strangers in a public forum. Ultimately, it didn’t matter because I could genuinely say, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do’ – but how do I get there when the attacker professes Christ himself?